On Being a Human Becoming

11 Mar

I’ve been hearing a phrase a lot lately, popping up on podcasts and in conversations: “human becoming.”

As in, not a human being (fixed, finished, arrived) but a human becoming. Perpetually in motion. Unfolding. Emerging.

I’m not sure who first coined the phrase. Some attribute it to the philosopher and theologian John Macmurray, writing in the mid-twentieth century. Others link similar ideas to the existentialists, to developmental psychologists, or to Indigenous worldviews that have long understood personhood as relational and ever-evolving. Wherever it came from, the idea has clearly struck a nerve, because it names something true about the human experience that we don’t often give ourselves permission to fully embrace.

We are not finished yet. And that is not a problem.

The quiet exhaustion of “arriving”

Think about how many times you’ve caught yourself thinking: “When I finally get there, I’ll be happy.”

When I lose the weight. When I get the promotion. When I’ve built the habit properly. When life settles down. When I’ve figured it out.

So much of life is spent on autopilot, sleepwalking toward some imagined destination where we’ll finally have made it. Where we’ll be well, or happy, or enough.

But here’s what I’ve seen, again and again, both in my own life and in my clients’: you get there, and there is no “there.” There’s just more becoming.

The destination keeps moving. Not because something is wrong with you, but because growth is not a location. It’s a direction.

And when we understand that, really understand it, something shifts. Rather than feeling like you’ve failed to arrive, you begin to realise: the journey is not the consolation prize. The journey is the whole thing.

The freedom in this

I want to be careful here, because I know this can sound a little bleak at first. If we’re never truly “arriving,” doesn’t that mean we’re forever falling short?

I don’t think so. I think it’s the opposite.

When you accept yourself as a human becoming, you give yourself permission to savour the pathway rather than rush through it. To explore the alleyways. To be less brutal toward yourself when progress is slow or the path takes an unexpected turn.

The philosopher Alan Watts once described this as “the backwards law”: the idea that the more we pursue a fixed endpoint, the more it eludes us. But when we engage with where we are, something loosens. Curiosity replaces anxiety. Effort feels lighter.

You stop asking: “Am I there yet?”

And start asking: “What is this moment teaching me?”

What the science says about growth as a process

This isn’t just poetic thinking. The science backs it up.

Neurologically, our brains are not static. Thanks to what researchers call neuroplasticity, the brain continues to form new neural pathways throughout our entire lives, in response to experience, learning and behaviour. We are, quite literally, always becoming someone slightly different at the cellular level.

Carol Dweck’s landmark research on growth mindset adds another layer to this. Her studies found that people who believe their qualities can be developed (who hold an “I’m still learning” orientation) show greater resilience, higher motivation, and better long-term outcomes than those who see themselves as fixed. When we frame ourselves as becomings rather than beings, we are literally more capable of change.

And self-determination theory, developed by psychologists Ryan and Deci, identifies autonomy, competence and relatedness as the three core human needs, all of which are about process and engagement, not endpoints. We thrive not when we arrive, but when we are meaningfully in motion.

In health: small steps that unlock big possibilities

In my health coaching practice, this reframe changes everything.

So many people come to me with a finish-line mentality: I need to lose twenty kilos. I need to eat perfectly. I need to exercise every day. And when they inevitably stumble, because life is not a controlled environment, they feel like the whole effort has collapsed.

But health, understood as becoming, looks completely different.

It’s a series of small steps and experiments that accumulate and compound over time. Each one unlocks new possibilities for wellbeing along the way. More energy leads to better sleep. Better sleep leads to clearer thinking. Clearer thinking leads to choices that feel more aligned. And on it goes.

Slip-ups stop being defining failures and start being useful data. They become part of the fabric of the journey: “Interesting. That didn’t work. What would support me better next time?” Barriers become redirections rather than dead ends.

There is no wagon to fall off. There is only the path, and you are always on it.

In leadership: dead ends are where good things start

The same is true in leadership.

Some of the most transformative leadership moments I’ve witnessed didn’t happen at the finish line of a successful project. They happened in the aftermath of something that didn’t work.

The strategy that missed. The decision that needed reversing. The initiative that went back to the drawing board. These moments, when met with curiosity rather than shame, are often where the most meaningful growth happens, for the leader, and for the team.

The leaders I most admire aren’t the ones who never make mistakes. They’re the ones who treat mistakes as the starting point of something new rather than the ending of something failed. They model what it looks like to be a human becoming: openly learning, willing to adapt, not performing certainty they don’t have.

And in doing so, they give their teams permission to do the same.

That kind of psychological safety (the sense that it is safe to try, to fail, to learn and to try again) is consistently one of the strongest predictors of team performance and innovation. Google’s famous Project Aristotle identified it as the single most important factor in what makes a team effective.

Five coaching take-aways: living as a human becoming

Walk with curiosity, not verdict. When something doesn’t go to plan, resist the pull toward judgment. Get interested instead. What does this experience tell you? What can you learn? Curiosity is the engine of becoming.

Treat progress as the metric, not perfection. Small, consistent steps compound. A single step forward, even a tiny one, keeps the becoming moving.

Let slip-ups be data, not disasters. A setback is a signal, not a sentence. Ask: “What does this tell me about what I need?” rather than “What does this say about who I am?”

Savour the alleyways. Some of the best discoveries happen when you go slightly off the expected route. Don’t be so fixated on the destination that you miss what’s rich about where you are right now.

Give others the same grace. Whether you’re a parent, a manager, a partner, or a friend, remember that the people around you are also becomings. They are in process. Lead with that awareness.

You are not behind

If I could give one gift to every person I work with, it would be this:

The deep, settled sense that you are not behind. You have not missed the boat. You are not broken or incomplete.

You are a human becoming. And all the evidence (the stumbles, the redirections, the moments of doubt and the moments of quiet progress) is proof that you are doing it right.

The journey is not the path to the point. The journey is the point.

Keep becoming.

Renee Beale