Breaking free from “if-only” thinking
The #1 thing keeping you stuck isn’t lack of time, money, or willpower — it’s a belief.
As a health and executive wellness coach, one of the most exciting moments in my work is when a client comes to me with a goal. Sometimes it’s a bold, life-changing vision: leading their team with greater confidence, taking control of their health, or carving out more space for joy. Other times, it’s a small but powerful shift: eating lunch, getting to bed earlier, or leaving the office on time.
A client once told me, “If only I had more time, I’d exercise.” When we mapped her week together, she realised two evenings were being eaten by scrolling, and underneath that, a fear of failure was stopping her from even getting started. Together, we created two 15-minute slots and adopted the lens of “experimenting” rather than perfection. Within weeks she’d begun to build a consistent habit, and that success gave her the confidence to tackle more. Now she’s swapped the quick muffin on the run for a tasty salad at lunch and is setting her sights on even bigger health-promoting changes. This domino effect is something I see often: once people unlock progress in one area, they’re energised to take on others.
But whether the goal is big or small, there’s one belief that consistently keeps people stuck:
The belief that the solution is “out there” rather than “in here.”
We tell ourselves that if we just had more time, money, energy, or support then we’d finally succeed.
These “if-only” thoughts sneak in everywhere:
If only I had more time, I’d exercise regularly.
If only my partner supported me more, I’d eat better.
If only my boss was less demanding, I’d get more sleep.
If only work was less stressful, I’d finally take a holiday.
If only I felt more confident, I’d speak up in meetings.
If only I had the right mentor, I’d go for the promotion I really want.
Of course, external factors matter. But here’s where we go astray:
We let external resources become the reason we don’t act.
We use them to cover up deeper barriers like fear of failure, self-doubt, or past experiences that still shape us today.
We stop asking better questions. What if we asked, “How am I currently using my time, and what does that say about my priorities?”
How to Turn It Around
Gain awareness. Notice where external factors have become excuses.
Dig deeper. Ask: what’s the real barrier here — then address it.
Collect data. Audit your time, spending, or energy. You may find more room than you thought.
Link to your values. We always spend time and money on what we value. Connect your goals to what matters most, and watch them rise to the top.
Reframe “if-only” thoughts. Instead of “If my boss was less demanding, I’d sleep better,” explore solutions within your control: “If I wind down with 10 minutes of stretching, I’ll sleep better.”
Shift into possibility thinking. Ask: What if I started small? What if I swapped one habit this week? What if the solution is already within me?
When you shift from looking outward for solutions to looking inward for possibilities, everything changes. You stop waiting for life to get easier and start creating the progress you want, right now.
Ready to stop waiting and start creating progress? Book your free 20-minute strategy call.